Online Conflict Coaching & Mediation Pilot Program (6 Months)
with John Kinyon
weekly live session zoom calls:
thursdays april 25 - Nov 7, 2019.
time of zoom calls:
12:00PM-1:30PM PACIFIC (CALIFORNIA) TIME
How to Attend the Weekly Online Live Group Sessions on Zoom
The live sessions are on Thursdays, 12-1:30pm Pacific Time, April 25 - Nov 7, 2019. Links to recordings of each session will be put in a section below.
Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android:
If you're using Zoom for the first time, you can find more information about how to use Zoom here.
Or join by phone:
Or iPhone one-tap :
US: +1 408 638 0968, or +1 646 876 9923,
Dial (for higher quality, dial a number based on your current location):
US: +1 408 638 0968 or +1 646 876 9923 or +1 669 900 6833 or +1 669 900 6833
+1 (646) 558 8656 or +1 (408) 638 0968
Meeting ID: 356 842 557
International numbers available: https://zoom.us/zoomconference
[Please note that mobile devices (smartphones, tablets etc.) generally cannot download files. To play a recording on your device, use the media players on this page. To transfer a file to your device, first download it to a computer and then sync it to your device.]
Structure of the Live Sessions
The structure I plan to start with is: First 10 minutes for group sharing (inviting people to speak who haven’t as much). In the next 10 minutes I will lead an experience and questions/sharing related to mindfulness, meditation, and consciousness/awareness practice. In the next 40 minutes I will coach people as they coach and mediate with role play situations, pausing frequently for group interaction and for people to rotate through the roles of coach/mediator and client. The next 15 minutes will be for breakout discussion and practice in pairs and triads. In the last 15 minutes we’ll debrief the session, and talk about next live session and the other learning/support elements and facets of the program. I’ll be open to adjusting and refining this structure as we go based on your feedback and requests.
Contact me any time with questions, requests, suggestions, by email: email@example.com, or phone: 415-710-2777. I am deeply committed to you learning what is most valuable to you and reaching your visions and goals through this program, and so I will make myself as available as I can to support you and stay connected with you as we go. Please reach out to me at any time. Here is a link to my online scheduling system.
Individual Action Plan (IAP)
I would like you to have some kind of journal to write/draw about and track your vision, goals, and learning as you go through the program. I’d like you to start off answering 3 questions for yourself:
Your big dream/vision for what you want to create in your life and/or the world that being in this program supports?
Specific goals you want to achieve — 3 month, 6 month, 1 year, and beyond goals?
What amount of time each day/week you are committing yourself to learning and practice, and what specific learning areas and activities you are taking on?
I ask that you journal on a regular basis to process, deepen, and integrate your learning, and to check in with yourself periodically about the 3 IAP questions. I will also be recommending and encouraging you to have an accountability partner to support you with this as well.
Are there other modes of creative self-expression for you to process, deepen, and integrate your learning?
- Art? Contemplation? Music? Movement?
MEDIATE YOUR LIFE TRAINING MANUAL. 5th edition [Digital version. Click to open]
LEARNING SUPPORT PAGE [Click to Learning Support Page]
[For handouts and resources I use with clients go to: https://www.johnkinyon.com/learning-resources.]
LIVE SESSIONS — VIDEO/AUDIO RECORDINGS
To protect privacy, these recording are ONLY for our own use, to review for learning, not to share with anyone else.
DAILY MEDITATION PRACTICE
I request that you have a daily sitting and/or walking meditation practice for the 6 months of the program, and no problem if you choose not to do this. You may already have a practice. If you’d like, I invite you to explore other practices during these 6 months.
Meditation Apps I recommend:
The Waking Up Course, mindfulness and nonduality meditation app by Sam Harris (This one I most highly recommend)
Insight Timer. Hundreds of meditation teachers and practices, guided meditations, donation based (I particularly like Stephen Procter)
ADDITIONAL STUDY AND PRACTICE MATERIALS FOR THE PROGRAM (If you feel drawn to this, and are interested)
I have found it very valuable in my experience to hold both the spiritual and scientific perspectives together in a dynamic, creative tension in which they mutually inform and complement each other. My approach to coaching and mediation is to continually seek to integrate these deeper and broader understandings of our human experience into the OFNR distinctions, 3 chair model, and maps, particularly in the areas below of consciousness/awareness practice. I have found them quite powerful in developing a strong container and resiliency for holding the difficulty and intensity of conflict, and finding greater clarity, compassion and wisdom. You may already have your own study and practice in these areas, or you may not be interested in such things. I honor this either way, and hope to learn from your experience. My intention as we go through the 6 months is to share with you my explorations and discoveries that have been meaningful and valuable to me, and to learn from your discoveries as well. I hope you look into the resources below, or do your own exploring and discovering in related resources that call to you. I can also support you to find other resources if any of these do not speak to you, or how to prioritize if you don’t believe you have time to study all of them. Let me know. My intention is NOT to be a teacher for you of this material. My intention is to offer my experience and learn together how this learning can support us in our quality of self-connection, presence, and ability to contribute in the role of coach/mediator.
My plan is for the first month to focus on Rupert Spira and awareness practice, the second month on Sarah Peyton and trauma work, and the third month on Francis Weller and the unconscious. I’ll then rotate back through these areas in this order for the following three months. I invite you to study and practice these along with me in this order, if you would like to.
Awareness, Consciousness, and Nonduality
Rupert Spira. Nonduality spiritual teacher. Tremendous clarity on understanding and practicing nonduality. See YouTube videos. He also has a number of books, and there are essays and interviews on his website.
Francis Weller. Soul and grief work. He has written books, most recent book is Wild Edge of Sorrow. I highly recommend purchasing his audio programs, particularly the 10 session series Living a Soulful Life.
Sarah Peyton, book, Your Resonant Self. NVC, trauma, and interpersonal neurobiology, neuroscience. See Sarah’s website for guided meditations and to receive other learning resources.
Dan Siegal, interpersonal neurobiology, neuroscience, trauma, consciousness.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. By Kristin Neff, Ph.D.
Richard Schwartz and Internal Family Systems (IFS), book, Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts.
Peter Levine, pioneer in the trauma field. Developed body of work called Somatic Experiencing.
Gabor Mate. Trauma and addiction.
For more learning resources: https://www.johnkinyon.com/learning-resources.
WEEKLY EMAILS AND RECORDINGS
I am planning to send weekly emails related to the content of that week or the coming week, as well as provide video/audio recordings of the course content. The emails will offer additional content and learning resources, plus reflection/integration prompts and practice suggestions.
15 MINUTE CHECK IN CALLS WITH ME, ONCE OR MORE PER MONTH
I would like to have a 15 minute check in call with you at least once per month. You are welcome to schedule these calls with me as often as you feel is needed to optimally support you. You can also schedule longer mentoring sessions with me [for these I will ask you about giving an additional financial contribution, and we can discuss what works for you]. Here again is the link to my online scheduling system.
Group Email Forum
I see this Google Group as being primarily for logistical communication —e.g announcements, requests, etc.
Slack.com Communication Channel(s) for the Group
On Slack.com, the project is called Online Conflict Coaching Program with John Kinyon. I’m trying out using it as a forum for our group to share learnings, your integration process of the material, learning resources (e.g. books, websites, podcasts, apps), poetry, quotes particularly valuable to you, etc.
Share how you are deepening, processing, and integrating your learnings as we go.
Contact List, Peer Practice, Accountability, and Feedback/Evaluation
Practice can include asking people in your personal and work life to let you practice on them.
To create more ease and efficiency in scheduling one-on-one calls with each other, I recommend the online scheduling system www.acuityscheduling.com. There are other online scheduling tools out there, but my experience is with this one and I really like it. I believe the basic level subscription to the service may be free.
Learning Modules/Topics, In Sequential Order of Study/Practice Through the 6 Months
Building the Foundation
Overview of conflict coaching phases — Engagement Conversation, coaching agreement, foundation distinctions and skills, learning and applying the maps
The coaching relationship — collaborative learning, leading/guiding/directing vs. following, process and content
Sharing the foundation distinctions and skills
OFNR (OFN, then R, for self, then OFNR for other)
Self-Connection Practice (OFNR mindfulness/awareness practice)
Elements of Empathy for speaking and listening in conversation
Individual Coaching and Pre-Post Mediation Sessions
Preparing for a Difficult Conversation (Enemy Image Process/EIP, 3 role plays)
Debriefing for Resilience (Mourn Celebrate Learn/MCL process)
The 5-Step Mediation Model and the 9 Mediation Skills (see Section 3 in the MYL manual)
Empathic listening/reflection in mediation
Solution requests and agreements
Individual Coaching: Difficult Conversations
Practicing for a Difficult Conversation (Intensity Exercise/Practice, Connection and Solution Requests)
Having a Difficult Conversation (Interpersonal Mediation/IPM process, 3Chairs Process, role playing)
Solution requests, hearing and saying "no," Need Behind the No practice
3Chairs Process for Difficult Conversations
More Mediation Skills
Pulling By The Ears
Emergency First Aid Empathy
Individual Coaching with Inner Mediation Maps
Self-Forgiveness (Chooser-Educator/C-E process)
Inner Clarity and Moving Towards Dreams/Goals (Internal Mediation/IM process)
Last of the Mediation Skills
4-Step Healing & Reconciliation (H&R) Process
Healing role play
Mediating with H&R
Conflict coaching phases — Engagement Conversation, coaching agreement, foundation distinctions and skills, learning and applying the maps
Pre and Post Mediation
The business of coaching and mediating (creating a website, marketing, etc.)